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Sometimes he mansplains witch history to Chloe so we can learn it too.
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He finds an unlikely ally in Chloe (Rose Leslie, Game of Thrones’s Ygritte), a witch who’s the proprietor of a magic-potion speakeasy and has the (narratively convenient) power to project herself into Kaulder’s past-life flashbacks and yank him back to reality. He shakes down witches and warlocks for answers regarding Dolan’s death and discovers a conspiracy to resurrect the Witch Queen.
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How much more do you really need to know before deciding if this is a broomstick you want to hop on to? It’s Vin Diesel as a supernatural cop with an inexperienced, audience-surrogate-question-asking partner (Elijah Wood). They’ve been together long enough that Kaulder addresses him as kid when they meet to toast Dolan’s retirement, Kaulder says, “We took out some nasty covens.” When Dolan turns up dead and Kaulder finds SURRENDER DOROTHY–ish witch graffiti burned into the walls of his room, things get, y’know, personal. He’s a little bit John Constantine and a lot bit Bruce Wayne, and his Alfred is - well, it’s Michael Caine playing Alfred again, basically, although in the script he’s Dolan, the 36th in a long line of priests sworn to service as Kaulder’s witch-hunting sidekick.
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Patrick’s Cathedral, with a pool table and a secret closet full of witch-killing guns. Kaulder has a cool car and a wardrobe of exclusively open-necked shirts and has sex with stewardesses in an austere-yet-groovy bachelor pad - the walls are marble it’s like he lives in a bank - near St.
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Eight hundred years later, Kaulder has become one of those true New Yorkers who takes pride in knowing what everything used to be, except in this case he remembers when the Duane Reade on the corner was a patch of cornfield. Kaulder sets his sword magickally afire and runs her through, but before she dies, she curses him with immortality. The Witch Queen (Julie Engelbrecht) has a Gigeresque ponytail of spinal-column bones and lives in a tree that pulses with malevolent life. (They might as well have called this one The Last Witch Hunter 1.) Breck Eisner, of the California Eisners, directs Diesel stars as Kaulder, seen here first as a 13th-century warrior with a braided Battlefield Earth beard and a Macklemore Mohawk, leading his fellow Knights of the Axe and Cross through a snowy wasteland to put the hurt on a witch they blame for the Black Plague.
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Hence The Last Witch Hunter, a feature film that feels like a longish TV pilot, or like the prequel to the Witch Hunter sequel that Diesel told his Facebook fans the studio was “already commencing” back in June. Nobody liked it, and 2013’s back-to-badass-basics sequel Riddick dialed the world-building way down, but it’s clear that Diesel still wants a sprawling multi-film fantasy franchise to call his own, and that voicing a tree with a three-word vocabulary in endless Guardians of the Galaxy sequels isn’t going to scratch that itch. His Vinnermost desires came through the clearest in 2004’s The Chronicles of Riddick, a dumb but deeply felt attempt to expand the Pitch Black universe into a Star Wars or Lord of the Rings–style mega-mythology involving an interstellar death cult called the Necromongers and their quest for an interdimensional Valhalla called the Underverse. Diesel may still be built like the nightclub bouncer he once was, but deep down, in the android’s dungeon of his heart, he’s a huge nerd, with a nerd’s passion for encyclopedically detailed fictional universes. Tolkien’s The Silmarillion it was also the name that Diesel gave his all-time favorite Dungeons & Dragons player-character, a dark elf who specialized in - wait for it - hunting witches. Melkor was the name of a Lucifer-like fallen-angel figure in J.R.R.
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In 2002’s xXx, Vin Diesel’s extreme athlete turned superspy alter ego Xander Cage had the word MELKOR tattooed across his lower abdomen.